He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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