quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize