i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
