That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
