I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
