I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
