I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
