I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
