we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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