why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
