My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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