I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
