Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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