I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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