It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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