We won't sleep together?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
