I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
