how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
