just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
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