the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
