I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
