Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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