Dude my mom stole all your condoms
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
