The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We just shotgunned beers for America
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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