OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
