u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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