I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
