just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
