They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
