Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
