i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
