I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
