from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
