two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize