Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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