just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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