Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
