I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
