I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
