you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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