dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
