She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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