This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
