every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
