You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
