I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
i think my cat just said my name.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
