I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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