so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
