Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
