Who did Billy Mays play for?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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