yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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