Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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