...so i touched it.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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