i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
