I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
