Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
