did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
