remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Randomize
