never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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