I want to stick my p in your. b.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize