Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
