White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
