think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
