very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
