I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
