The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
