He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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