my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
