i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
