You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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