im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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