I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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