He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
